(PaNDA™ is only open for enrolment to mums who have worked through either my foundation or signature programmes)
(Whether the relationship ended recently or years ago)
If one or all of these things sound familiar...
I've created something special, especially for you...
I don't want anyone to struggle alone like I did... trying to work out what to do on my own, hoping for the best, trying anything and everything, only for nothing to work in the short or long term. And I don't want any parents or children to go through the heartbreak, pain and suffering that my children and I did either... especially when they don't have to.
Parents need practical solutions, resources and support after abuse, and it has to be a whole family, trauma informed approach... but sadly it's something that just isn't available.
So I created it for you.
Hi, I'm Sian. I'm a therapeutic coach, educator and author-in-creation... but more importantly I'm a single mama of three young people, I grew up around abuse, have experienced 3 abusive relationships, and have been parenting traumatised children alone for the past 9 years.
For the first 4 years of my journey I felt like I'd failed as a mum and as a human being. I was struggling to manage my own emotions, triggers, fear and anxiety, let alone theirs. My youngest son's behaviour was really challenging and he was angry, violent and defiant. My eldest son was withdrawn, anxious and sensitive. And my teenage daughter was having a really tough time too.
I didn't have any support, was alone and isolated, and felt lost and ashamed... but I tried to put on a brave face and just "get on with things" for the sake of the kids. That kind of worked for a while until things got a lot worse!
Eventually I found the answers my children and I desperately needed, and discovered the keys to healing trauma and parenting after abuse, and to creating real lasting change.
That's when EVERYTHING changed, both for me and for my children.
Since then it's changed everything for the hundreds of parents I've worked with.
And it can change everything for YOU and your children too.
That change starts right here...
Whatever form of abuse you experienced, you repeatedly suffered overwhelming, distressing experiences which get trapped in your body, nervous system and psyche and affect everything you do and don't do. You suffer complex trauma. Early trauma creates the foundations for toxic relationships, which is why healing can be so hard, and why most approaches don't work.
Your ex partner or spouse will continue to manipulate, control and abuse you long after separation, and will manipulate and control everyone around you, including your children and uniformed professionals.
Children who are conceived or born in a toxic relationship have a traumatic start to life, which affects their ability to feel safe, trust and bond, and their developmental needs aren’t met as a result. They then repeatedly suffer overwhelming, distressing and frightening experiences which get trapped in their body, nervous system and psyche, and they suffer complex trauma too.
You and your children may also be suffering ongoing traumatic experiences and be re-traumatised as a result of ongoing contact.
Uninformed people and professionals around you and your children can make things harder, cause more harm than good, prevent healing from happening, and even re-traumatise you and your children.
Trauma isn't what happened to you, it's your body's response to what happened, and what it holds onto in the absence of a compassionate witness.
These responses get trapped in your body and nervous system, where they will stay for a lifetime if left unresolved... keeping you stuck and affecting everything you do and don't do, often without you realising... your thoughts, feelings and actions, your life, relationships, and parenting, and your ability to live a fulfilling, rewarding and meaningful life.
And over time, this has a huge impact on your mental, emotional and physical health.
Early trauma has an even deeper impact on children, affecting their development, behaviour and learning, how they feel about themselves, and how they later show up in life as adults, their relationships and health.
Time doesn't heal this.
Cognitive approaches, positive thinking, and most therapies don't work, despite your best intentions, and those of the professionals around you.
And 'normal' parenting doesn't work either.
This can leave you and your children feeling helpless, powerless and stuck for years, and bring even more pain and suffering into your lives.
How do I do this?
By setting and maintaining strong, effective boundaries with your ex partner/spouse so you can break free from the abuse and their control, and healing can happen. Without boundaries, healing is impossible for you and your children.
By understanding what's really going on for you, and learning how to tune into, listen to, and work with your body and nervous system, which is how real healing can and does happen.
By learning what's really going on for your children, and learning how to compassionately witness and hold a safe space for their experiences, needs, emotions and behaviour, so you can repair the damage caused, fill in the gaps they’ve missed, and help them make sense of themselves and the world around them. You need to be a few steps ahead of them with your own healing and embodying safety, otherwise this doesn't work.
By getting the right education, and the right practical solutions, tools and resources.
Most of us who have experienced trauma are trying to solve symptoms and problems without getting to the root cause of them… the nervous system.
Which is why all the work you’re doing doesn’t give you lasting change and things KEEP coming back up… even if you’ve tried anything and everything or have been doing everything you've been "told" to do!
Your nervous system is the foundation for EVERYTHING... it drives everything you do and don't do.
When you build strong foundations, everything you build on top of them are stronger too... but when foundations are weak, distorted or damaged, things can soon start falling down... especially if the weather gets a bit stormy!
What most people do, and have been taught to do, both with healing trauma and parenting, is to decorate the walls and buy soft furnishings to make their house look pretty, while not realising, ignoring or pretending that their house is unstable and vulnerable and the foundations have huge cracks in them.
Rebuilding these foundations is what real healing is all about.
Understanding what's really going on, then working with the body, nervous system and physiology, is how real change can and does happen.
And it can happen for you and your children too...
Which is why we and our children still end up struggling years later, and things can get worse over time without us realising.
Don't get me wrong, there are many different practises and modalities that can help you and your children, but most are just skimming over the surface.
Sadly, those that do dive deeper, tend to only focus on you or your children, not the WHOLE family.... so you only get support for you or your children, not both together.
There is also a huge lack of solutions and support that are truly trauma and abuse informed.
And as a single parent, accessing ANY solutions and support can be really difficult.
This can being even more unique challenges on top of the ones you already had in the first place!
You and your children deserve more...
"When I first "met" Sian, I realised that what she was offering was very different to any other parenting advice that I'd been given. My life was a complete horror story, things were happening that were beyond my worst fears for my child. Sian was there for me providing solid support whilst I faced the toughest challenges imaginable. With her support I've been able to make huge progress with my daughter, and it is this connection which has led to a more stable relationship where positive changes have now happened. Sian's Developing Resilience course has rebuilt my confidence and ability to withstand daily challenges. Having tried everything over a period of about 9 years, I can honestly say that nothing that was tried directly with my child has worked, but we are out the other side because of the work I have done on increasing my resilience and learning how to regulate myself so I can support my child better.
Being part of PaNDA means that i have support of other mothers who get it too. We don't need to explain ourselves to each other. We know how it feels to be stuck in a really tough situation with our children, and we have learned ways to move forward. My home life has changed incredibly since I joined PaNDA, and I hope many more women can benefit in the same way."
Single mother of a teenage daughter.
PaNDA™ is an online community that offers a holistic approach to parenting after abuse and healing trauma in your family.
You get everything you need to show up for and support yourself and your children in the best possible way... in one place.
Not only do you get the strategies, solutions and resources to heal trauma and navigate and overcome the unique challenges you face as a parent after abuse, you'll also be guided, empowered and supported every step of the way.
PaNDA™ is an amazingly safe and supportive space where everyone is seen, seen and understood. The ethos of our community is "You're going to get through this", "We're right here with you" and "Together we are stronger"
All the education, tools and resources are part of a proven framework that's backed by the most recent neuroscience.
And you can work through everything at your own pace, whatever feels right for you.
When you understand what's really going on for you and your children, the way you look at and respond to everything changes, you have more choices than you imagined possible, and it opens a door to real lasting change.
Parenting after abuse and healing can be a very isolating journey. With a supportive community, zoom chats and group coaching sessions, you can get as much or little support as you need, and will never be alone.
Education and practical solutions, resources and support to inspire, guide and empower you throughout your healing journey. You'll be encouraged to go at your own pace and we'll be right beside you every step of the way.
Learning how to tune into, connect with and listen to your body and nervous system is essential to live, work and parent with more ease, trust yourself and your instincts and become more regulated.
When you learn how to lead your life and your family with compassion, and befriend the natural ebbs and flows of life, you're able to show up for, be with and support yourself and your kids in the best possible way.
Becoming more regulated is essential for responding to people and challenges with more ease, reducing stress, anxiety and overwhelm, overcoming triggers and managing emotions, and developing resilience.
Unresolved trauma drives everything we and our children do, so when we only have support our "stuff" or our children's, this creates more challenges for us. The only way to truly create lasting change is to have a whole family approach, and this is essential after any form of abuse as you face many unique challenges.
There are many "experts" who will teach you that the key to healing trauma is self-regulation, the key to parenting is co-regulation, and the key skill children need is self-regulation, but no-one tells you that the key to ALL this is rebuilding the foundations for them... without that nothing "sticks".
Not only do I have a wealth of personal experience, I also have a wealth of knowledge and practical solutions and resources gained from professional study, training and experience too. I REALLY get it. And everyone in our PaNDA community is on the same healing path, so they all get it too.
"Thank you Sian. For everything you are and share with us. I was just reflecting on how I've managed this shit storm so far and it's truly incredible the leaps and bounds I've made since joining PaNDA. So grateful for everything you share with us and everything you've created!"
"I'll be honest, I thought this stuff was too simple to work, but boy am I glad I ignored those thoughts and tried them anyway!! I have more space to deal with everything, feel much more confident, and have much more clarity and focus at home and at work.. this stuff really works!!"
"You are such a treasure Sian... your coaching and journeying alongside us has been a blessing to me... thank you!"
"You are an amazing lady because you "truly" understand and aren't a "do gooder" who "thinks" they understand, but don't, then preach about what we "should" be doing. So glad I found you!!"
"I love how open and honest you are, how you model everything to us, and how you're not afraid to be vulnerable. It's so refreshing to know that you really get it and really understand what we're going through."
I honestly can't believe I'm in such a different place to 4 months ago! You've helped me so much, to go from the anxious, scared and depressed woman I was, to a woman who has total belief in herself for the first time!!"
Our PaNDA™ community is for:
One of the beautiful things about PaNDA™ is that I purposely made it accessible, especially for anyone who doesn't have much time. As a single working parent myself, I know that free time can be a rare things. I also know how much you want things to change and get better. So I've designed PaNDA™ to make things as easy as possible for you.
The membership is self-guided, so you can go at any pace that feels right for you... and that's something I actively encourage as it's an essential part of your healing journey. The content is available on any device, in video, audio and written formats to suit any learning styles and help you integrate it into your busy day-to-day life too. There may be times when you're more or less engaged, or times when you need to step away from things for a bit... and both are absolutely ok.
The content will always be available to you for as long as you're a member, and you'll be encouraged and empowered to consume and digest it at the pace that feels right for you... and we'll even help you work out what that is if you're not sure!
Yes, absolutely! PaNDA™ is open to anyone in any country, continent or timezone, and all group sessions or live events will be recorded so they can be accessed at any time.
When you join PaNDA™ you'll be charged for your first month's membership, then you'll be charged on the same day of each month as the date you joined. If you choose to join as an annual member (and get 2 month's free membership), you'll be charged for a year's membership when you join, then a year later on the same day as you joined.
Yes, you can cancel your membership at any time, and I promise I won't be offended. If you ever decide to leave, for whatever reason, you will always be welcome to come back at any time.
If you have monthly membership, your membership will be cancelled at the end of your monthly membership period. If you have annual membership, your membership will be cancelled at the end on the monthly period starting from the date of the month you joined, and any remaining months of your membership will be refunded.
We are living in unprecedented times, and our lives have changed quickly, in ways we would never have imagined possible just a few short months ago.
Not has this brought real, invisible threats to the way we live, work and connect, it's also brought more unique challenges for anyone parenting after abuse, and for many adults and children, this is a traumatic experience.
So there has never been a point in time when this work has been as important as now.
Our unique community, ground-breaking learning space and practical support are needed more than ever before now too.
Especially as we have also reached a dangerous tipping point with abuse, where things are going to get a lot worse.
So how we approach the coming weeks and months, matters more now than it EVER has before.
But we are also at another unique point in time, where for the first ever in history, we have the science, research and practices to create real lasting change in our lives, for our children, for the world, and for generations to come.